Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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