I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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