it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
