clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
