kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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