You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
