I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
