he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
