Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
