Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
