Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
