If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
