fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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