Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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