I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
