I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize