I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was born a porn star she said
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
