If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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