Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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