At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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