I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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