I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
