The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
