The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
