it hurts more in the daytime
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
