I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
