Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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