I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
