hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
