so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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