All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
