I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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