People in love make me want to vomit
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
