Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
