my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
