It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
