I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
