Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
