woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
