her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
