Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
