Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
