I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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