There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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