i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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