She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
