idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
