Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
