i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
