I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
