On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
