Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
