my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
