ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
