i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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