i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
