Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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