No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
