Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
