I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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