I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
