tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
