Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found the puke drawer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
