The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
