So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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