I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize