I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
