It's Friday. Sex?
i would punch a child for taco bell
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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