I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
