Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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