There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
