By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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