My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
