She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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