Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
