Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom

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(315): View more from New York

Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

Fav 40 1951 7710
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(980): View more from North Carolina

You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

Fav 12 2389 3576
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(510): View more from California

After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.

Fav 4 1667 2016
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(731): View more from Tennessee

What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

Fav 32 1848 5193
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(575): View more from New Mexico

We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.

Fav 9 2995 1115
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(913): View more from Kansas

My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.

Fav 8 2234 1079
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(678): View more from Georgia

You is good. You is important. You is a slut.

Fav 9 2159 1283
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(727): View more from Florida

i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?

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