You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
