And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
