Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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