I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
