im six kinds of drunk right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
