his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
