I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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