my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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