my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize