I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
