Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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