I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
