Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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