I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
