We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
