please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
