You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
