Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
